Im at strip club and am horny
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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