he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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