I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
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