dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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