I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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