you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
