Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
