So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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