I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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