I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
