So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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