did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
