i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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