Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so let's talk penis.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
