Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
