I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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