Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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