I'm really into asian looking animals
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
