It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
