why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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