oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
