in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
only you would photoshop your dick
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
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