oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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