I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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