some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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