I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
