Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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