LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize