We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
