and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
