Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
