i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
