my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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