Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
