I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
