We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
