I wish I could teleport
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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