you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
nutella sex= disaster
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
