Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
