is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
