That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
