i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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