I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
well you can't waste a boner
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
