Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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