I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
