I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize