batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
