Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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