I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
