I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
