I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
