question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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