Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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