weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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