yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
