I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
