I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
