Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
