I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
