I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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