you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
