First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
