I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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