who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
