White coat. Heels.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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