That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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