i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
