I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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