If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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