Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
