she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
