HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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