I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
