I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize