I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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